Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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