if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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