Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A bitchslap is in order.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
