Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
