are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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