Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
