And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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