What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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