Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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