just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
