I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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