what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
