DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
