I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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