I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
