I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
