i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
