Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
