I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
