She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
