you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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