after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
