it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love you.
Bad choice
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
