isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
