There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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