he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
