My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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