I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
