well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
