She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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