One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
