can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
