Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
