i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
