Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
