Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
