You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
