He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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