Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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