All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
