Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
