there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
