Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
