they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
