return my video game
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
