"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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