Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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