This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
