Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
