Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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