I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
