she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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